Pain is a cruel mistress

You are a cruel mistress
You come and go as you please
You keep me home & don’t let me out
Your currency is pain

Without warning you show up
And ruin all my plans
Constantly, relentlessly, unforgiving
You slowly sabotage all my relationships

Like a sociopath
You stalk my life
With no remorse
Senseless, detached pain & suffering

You overwhelm me
I cannot think
You control me
I cannot move

I scream internally
But cannot let it out
I am trapped inside myself
Encroaching self loathing & doubt

You undermine me
My self-confidence is at play
You show me no mercy
As the person I was fades away

The detachment you force}
Between body and soul
The impossibility of mindfulness
No longer feeling whole

Looking in the mirror
Who is that I see?
Eyes full of pain and anguish
Can that really be me?

From the outside looking in
No one would know
That you plague my life at every turn
Hitting me blow after blow

Like a battered shamed woman
You control me silently
I cannot escape
You stalk me uncontrollably

I won’t lose myself
I will not let you win
I’m a warrior deep down
This skin is thick not thin

You are Fibromyalgia
You don’t own my life
You are here for a short time
I will overcome your strife

Loss of control
Builds empathy
The person I am inside
Is a better version of me

Zoë Watson