Sometimes I wonder why some people go through so much pain in the world and others seem disconnected, oblivious, not necessarily happy, but maybe more going through the motions.
Recently I spoke to a spiritual / mental health practitioner about my own pain management, as with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Debilitating Migraines and severe IBS my pain is often out of this world. He takes it all back to the part in ourselves we have separated from – some refer to inner child – some refer to as self love – for some people I’m sure it’s seen as the experience of the soul … either way it is about connecting with the pain we have tried to bury deep within our consciousness.
For everybody, this pain comes out in all different ways through life, through anger, depression, illness, acting out, cancer … we can’t actually hold it in.
What we try to bury in the subconscious still comes out.
For me I tried to do this from a very young age, my memories are thwarted, nothing is obvious, our consciousness remembers things at the age they happen so as an adult it is often confusing to work out where the pain is coming from.
It is a long hard process, a grueling one… I often wonder whether dragging the past up is really what will fix things? But it is. We need to face it, acknowledge it then work out how to let it go. To put it back where it belongs.
It’s like an onion, as we unpeel the layers we cry more and more and more and we often don’t even realize why.
Personally I feel that the pain I have in my life, the physical pain far outweighs any emotional past traumas I could have had. It just seems insurmountable sometimes. I do everything I can and still I can’t live my life. I am stuck inside a prison of pain.
I wonder if there is a human pain consciousness sometimes, where some people help carry the burden for others? Actually I know there must be.
Spiritually speaking, humanity is all about interconnectedness.
Loneliness and depression come from feeling separate. A lack of self love comes from the fragmented pieces inside us that we ignore and don’t mend.
In the Western world we have gone beyond survival, beyond just our physical selves.
My practitioner says we’re all walking around with a broken heart.
So what does this mean?
It means we’re broken.
I know I certainly feel very broken. Laying in excruciating pain for days on end unable to leave my apartment. When I do leave it is often just to get the basics of food and see medical practitioners.
When I do have some energy I use that to work. To run an overseas business. How I do that I sometimes have no idea! But it is bigger than me. Something I need to do however I feel.
I could think of nothing worse than wallowing in the pain without a purpose. For some people that is their kids and family, for me it is my business. So I push through the pain, apologise for emails sent without making too much sense, and get the work done in those pockets of time I have a clear head and lessened pain, before the cycle continues.
I have little to no social life.
In the last week I managed to get out for dinner twice! Which was a small miracle. Thankfully my friends come to the restaurants 2 mins walking distance from me and don’t mind that I’m a bit out of it! I had to miss a group lunch, a birthday party, an after wedding get together, drinks at a friends house, a dinner with friends I haven’t seen for ages, seeing family and I read on facebook about friends get togethers I’m not even invited to anymore. Who can blame them?
So where there is pain it seems the joy is gone.
And quite frankly it seems like this is bigger than just me.
The world seems so in pain, so lacking in joy, everything seems so hard, people are struggling, is anybody happy?
We have moments of happiness, that seem to be becoming fewer.
Even with kids there is less playful laughter in the streets and more intensity looking at screens and interacting with non humans and people we don’t know, that somehow make up our reality now.
So now my purpose is a search for Bliss.
To fix the broken heart of pain.
As I fix mine I fix others.
And as I help fix other I fix mine.
We are all connected.
They say it’s all in the journey not the destination … so the blissful journey for me is long and hard as I seek to make it much easier for others.
I accept this challenge.
I am on the hunt for Bliss.
Both inside me and inside you.
I believe we can heal through blissfulness.
Bliss: Perfect happiness; extreme joy. Heaven, paradise. Peace, serenity, euphoria
I know we can, through the many women who contact me after their trip to Bliss Sanctuary For Women and say how healing it was for them, how it has changed their life, how it has mended relationships, how it had given them joy, how it was just what they needed.
The magic isn’t in a business I have created.
The magic is in these women taking a step to search for blissfulness with an open heart and mind.
It is only the women who come to us with openness that feel this level of connectedness within themselves and others.
We can’t hand anyone their bliss. You need to come and follow it, to experience whatever you will allow yourself to experience.
It shows we all do have blissfulness inside us. We are all able to experience it at varying degrees if we let ourselves.
Stuart Wilde says ‘ Struggle is effort mixed with emotion’ and it is. We all look through different eyes at the same things and see it differently due to our own experiences.
It is the opening of those eyes to see things of beauty, joy and blissfulness that allow us to have the positively amazing experiences.
Maybe this is how we overcome pain.
Well one of many ways.
So I live in the hope that the pain I endure can only bring more blissfulness to myself and the world in the long run.
Maybe.
Follow Your Bliss … to see through the pain.
And hopefully one day the pain will simply disappear as we’ve done all the work, collectively.
Blissfulness.
Zxxxx