bye bye nana

Older lady with inflatable walking to ocean
Older lady with inflatable walking to ocean

Last night my nana passed away quietly in her sleep. A blessing. She was 96 and it feels like we lost her years ago when she couldn’t really remember us much anymore.

When I heard the news it didn’t really sink in. I was thinking what’s wrong with me? I was relieved. Relieved for her as she didn’t want to be here anymore.

She never wanted to be in a home and she was always so independent and fiery it was hard to see her helpless and completely dependent. I decided to take the morning to go down the beach for nana.

I’ve taken no time off lately I’ve been so completely swamped with work that I’ve forgotten about life. Nana made me stop to take the deep breaths i needed. So i went to the beach and let the water immerse me and still no emotion …

then this lady a bit older than me was there with her mum. They were in the shallows of the water with a blowup seat floatie for her mum to enjoy the water. She was having trouble holding on to her mum and the floaty would escape her.

I asked if she’d like some help and she said no. But then she allowed me to help and her mum had so much joy sitting in this floaty thing frolicking in the waves for about half an hour.

After I helped I wandered out deeper in the ocean and I started to cry. No one could see. Although there were people around everywhere earlier and I’d been dodging swimmers left, right and centre, now there was no one around.

So I cried and I thanked nana for helping me to release this as I truly believe when anybody close to us dies they leave us a gift. I believe this was a gift from her, as was passing away while I was home, so I can mourn her.

I then heard the old lady screaming out in joy at the little waves and smiled. Later I helped her get out of the floaty and they have no idea how allowing me to help them actually helped me more.

It has reminded me yet again that accepting help from others is actually a selfless act. It allows others to fulfill their destiny and to heal. So please let this little lesson for me also help anyone who hears this to not be in fear of asking for help. It is actually a gift.

Thank you for the reminder nana, something I really needed at this time and to be better at life.

I also have to say thankyou to nana for the irony of passing away exactly when she did, bringing aunty eve back from her new home in Greece, ensuring she was here for Australia Day!

This is 100% nana getting her last little dig in with a smile.

She seemed very happy and thankful to be in Australia and although I didn’t get to know a lot about nana’s life beforehand, she loved living by the ocean, mowing people down on the sidewalk with her gopher and seeing her family regularly.

I do believe she loved this country and her life here. Even the last ten years which were hard for dad and aunty eve mostly, but she seemed to have a sense of freedom and happiness.

Thankyou mum and dad for coming here and making a huge difference in all our lives and allowing nana to live out her later years, connecting with a lovely church group, beating everyone in her scrabble group (not ever so gracefully) and living in a beautiful peaceful place by the ocean.